AWAKE AWAKE
that's all it takes is another crumbling, white line conform and confide into this life of memories erased and all the seconds we waste as we take away the time we can't replace bored to death now I drink just to suffer the loss of structure; no downers, all uppers you knew it was all a lie the life so contrived, the blood starts to rise every feeling I get whilst I shout like a wretch the pain it begets, I tear before I stretch and it's so funny how we place our vows drugs bring us happiness up until the comedown and it's such a fucking shame that my life's a circle again I crossed those lines now I'm lost and alone, all the time this feeling of dread just won't be shed the highs come and go, I'd rather be dead I'D RATHER BE DEAD is all I hear in my head was this supposed to be joyous euphony? to me it's shrieking, crippling misery you said "only one line and you'll be just fine" now where are you as I writhe and break my mind? held out a welcoming hand to try and withstand your words are gone, fell through my palm like sand you're in the hellhole, the virtueless trade throwing white bags as morality evaporates I thought I could fix this, I thought I was safe but the fix hits it quick as rationality dissipates now I'm lost and far gone to the pain that was wrought not a sin, not a fault, just the drugs that I'm on and it's such a fucking shame that my life's a circle again I crossed all those lines now my heart just breaks, all the damn time this feeling of dread just can't be shed the drugs feed the flames, the fire is in my head SO LET IT BURN let it burn, let it burn midnight toil takes to sunrise without toil blood on the rise, raised beyond a boil I'm ablaze! I'm ablaze! the fire without it's cage, sanity as it's razed destroy the joy like emotions were unwanted toys think myself a clever boy when I hide it; so coy! I can't help but feel like I'm slipping away can't contain the rage but the drugs tell me it's okay lost a house, a home, a love, my own maybe someday I'll grow up and reap what I've sown and maybe someday we'll all get what we're owed but until that day, maybe I'll just keep at my blow and it's not a fucking shame that I chose to end up this way I crossed all those lines I'm at fault for my vices, every single time this feeling of dread is my recompense but I still keep going, disregarding better sense this high is my life you can't take what is mine
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Tomorrow... All of this dies
The feelings The life The romance This microcosm of being that has been created Outside the realm of existence As we know it Everything we thought we were Everything it all "was" Everything we were Has been postponed Pushed off Left for later It died Everything we used to be Died, momentarily And it was beautiful We found a new life Here In this place Beyond what we were Or what we thought of ourselves We are here As nothing but ourselves Under the judgment of no one Beneath the fear of no one Just ourselves Nothing but ourselves Tomorrow... All of that dies We return to the monotony We return to the mundane We return to life... as it is As it should be As it were... I am so... terrified... ...to return to normalcy Here... I felt relaxation Here... I felt freedom Here... I felt love Here I found something that was an escape from my natural world Something that made me wonder why I keep on in my current atmosphere Something that told me there was something better I don't ever want to leave this fanciful world I have discovered But tomorrow... Tomorrow... All of this dies The feelings The life The romance This illusion of life that has been created It all dies tomorrow. And life comes rushing back in Reality reawakens And everything returns to normalcy Everything returns and it dies. The amplification,
Then the cap You thought you were ascending But you plateaued And your creativity Your spark Died On those rocks Success was in reach, you thought You were on the up and up But sadly, you aren't That's the shame Your blame as it's "misplaced" This was all your fault You lost it all Gone forevermore Your spark Done Extinguished candescence Victory was in reach, you thought You were on the up and up But tragically, you aren't Isn't it just the end of it? When someone tells you it's finished? You have failed so many times What's left to try? What gives you the right? That's the grace Your blame as it's placed This was all your fault But you're not forgone Is it lost? Your spark? No. Invigorated resplendence New life is in reach, you know You are on the up and up And valiantly, you are You are. |
Author"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls." - Anais Nin Archives
February 2023
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