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I feel this gritting, gnashing feeling
All-consumed with violent energy Desperately searching for the remedy But every outcome ends up deathly, bloody Thought it was you and me; us You were the one to whom I looked up Searching in this desolate world for a leader Thought I found one; me like the son Undefined and unrefined, Searching through some shredded sense of direction The chaos wanting to be contained The young boy longing for his lost father What caused you to spurn someone you could’ve loved? You could’ve just said it. You could’ve just fucking said it. Instead you dragged this out Left me lost without a sound With my demons abound They’ve taken over now And they feel this gritting, gnashing feeling Awash with resentful, fiery energy Twitching awfully to control their tendency Trying to hold it in before they destroy everything But the chaos is enraged You thought I’d be so easily displaced? Searching in this desolate world for nothing but peace Thought I found some; me like the sun Floating high above, brightening the lives of all I touch You decided my time was over before it was done Billions of eons now erased, so many lives truncated It’s because of you that the supernova’s been unleashed With it I’ll take the galaxy Everything that’s surrounding This is what you fucking get for spurning me The best part is: Just wait for the best part… It’s that I’m going to drag this out I’m going to go out and go out loud With my demons awfully abound They’re running rampant now And they’re not hiding this gritting, gnashing feeling They’re embracing it with fervent, invigorated energy Shaking violently while I give in to their primitivity Let go of my senses so they obliterate everything And then I obliterate everything And it only causes more pain The gritting, gnashing feeling abates It takes with it the rage Then comes quiet unto this place Then only the scared, confused face Of the lost child remains The heart of the child as he yearns For the father who left him to the world What more does he have left to earn? What more must he do to feel deserved? What caused you to spurn someone you could’ve loved?
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loose lips as they sink ships
a rumor thrown as a soft pitch warped like glass in a current slipped through your hands - weak grip is this your higher mind, the intellectual rise? as you all talk about it is this the cry of the town, decree of the crown? as you all talk about it is this the proclaimed truth, infallible proof? as you all talk about it or is this a clever ruse, in hopes to amuse? as you all talk about it well keep my fucking name out of your mouth. such a hollow world you call your own you try to use these words but you speak out of turn you stoke an unlit fire when it's not yours to burn raise the flames of dismay when it's not your concern loose lips as they sink ships a rumor invoked as a last ditch warped as you would for profit wrought by your hands - flagrant is this you as you are? cover the truth, twist out so far? as you all talk about it is this how you want to act? run with the pack, stab in the back? as you all talk about it is this the person you want to be? petty as you flee, small-minded and weak? as you all talk about it is this how you want to treat a friend? then keep up as is, you're alone in the end as you all talk about it and keep my name out of your fucking mouth. I am done with your incessant chirping your words as they fail - useless, fleeting a lion unconcerned with the opinions of sheep lonely and empty, you'll sow but never reap and whilst you watch the world crumble at your feet the fall is accompanied with your echoes and screams as you all talk about it of you all talking about it keep my name out of your mouth. a beat, a lie, a break, a divide
lost and broken and buried alive FUCK EVERYTHING EVERYTHING THAT WAS MINE corrupt the orthodox central station eradicate the sentiment of nations make everything that you love become none force all light to die out like the sun your head and your heart are at war; undone belligerent and destructive; so damn cumbersome what is religious is contagious to the fortuitous what is godsend to the holy men is presumptuous what is gentrified and objectified is cantankerous what is favorable to the overlord is incredulous FUCK EVERYTHING THEY ARE was it the war that caught you so out of sorts? lost and alone and the victim of choice? listening to the heart you'd abandoned; of course or binding yourself to the burden you bore? what a shame your existence became such a chore you say "fuck everything" so just end it evermore JUST. END IT. EVERMORE. this is what it screams to me without control, indefinitely obliquely, yet decidedly like I make the choice, half-heartedly escaping decision, haphazardly as my presence evanescences, blithely am I in control? am I all but gone? am I reconcilable or just a zero loss? your head and your heart are at war; become transcendent, resplendent; an ideal above I am not the one to lead the charge against your faith or mine or the lack thereof I am not the one to give berth to a cause I'm the one striving to live a life of love give back with no slack and no case for remorse my mind is my demon and it sickens and burns fight? oh I try but it cripples and destroys my mind is all evil and it's tainting my soul FUCK EVERYTHING EVERYTHING THAT WAS MINE JUST. END IT. EVERMORE. EVERMORE. EVERMORE. My mind is my demon, you can't save my soul. |
Author"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls." - Anais Nin Archives
February 2023
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