jumbled mess, non contest
disrespect a family crest introspect your fucking test goddamn loss at its very best shape shift, movement lack of improvement what the hell am I really doing? who are you, thinking you feel it? I'll shed you like snakeskin molt and rot and be done with it oh God get me out of the garden don't want your grace; I'm over it I didn't lose the one never materialize, never become never knew you, where you from? oh that's nice... now get gone half-fed, half-hearted lacking will to be complete in either falling apart like my mother wasted and withered, willow without her I've shed you like the leaves like I was fortunate enough as a tree maybe I'll be buried with that fantasy change a season and lose all feeling oh God, get me out of the garden the apple fell far as our souls harden corruption, reduction, what war is this? hands outstretched as they're lost in violence I reached for your hand one too many times lost the grip, let it slip, can't call you mine I won't say that I'm feeling fine but I also won't say I want to rewind because now I'm out of the garden escaped the delusion, parted with it my half heart as it went it's farthest lost control and it was beautiful , cathartic
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forgone and forgot
like I'm already lost haven't stepped out the door already buried past the floor in your eyes like the choice was all mine like I've left of my own volition like the move wasn't submission I've been cornered sequestered and staggered whether by my own devices or by politics and their vices but you don't see my side you look through your own eyes my decisions and their impact to you it's not about my happiness can't you see this isn't what I want? I see my dreams; these aren't my thoughts but it's really just about you can't be happy while others are too I'm sorry your life isn't a perfect picture I'm sorry "me working on me" affects it but I'm escaping this flawed institution whether I care if it affects you or it doesn't but don't you ever speak ill of me for wanting to be the best I can be and don't you dare ever discredit all the time and effort I've given because I bled for you while I could I tried to give you all of my good but you write it off like it's nothing "oh fuck him, he's leaving" if this is really how you think know fully the bridge you're burning |
Author"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls." - Anais Nin Archives
February 2023
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