AWAKE AWAKE
that's all it takes is another crumbling, white line conform and confide into this life of memories erased and all the seconds we waste as we take away the time we can't replace bored to death now I drink just to suffer the loss of structure; no downers, all uppers you knew it was all a lie the life so contrived, the blood starts to rise every feeling I get whilst I shout like a wretch the pain it begets, I tear before I stretch and it's so funny how we place our vows drugs bring us happiness up until the comedown and it's such a fucking shame that my life's a circle again I crossed those lines now I'm lost and alone, all the time this feeling of dread just won't be shed the highs come and go, I'd rather be dead I'D RATHER BE DEAD is all I hear in my head was this supposed to be joyous euphony? to me it's shrieking, crippling misery you said "only one line and you'll be just fine" now where are you as I writhe and break my mind? held out a welcoming hand to try and withstand your words are gone, fell through my palm like sand you're in the hellhole, the virtueless trade throwing white bags as morality evaporates I thought I could fix this, I thought I was safe but the fix hits it quick as rationality dissipates now I'm lost and far gone to the pain that was wrought not a sin, not a fault, just the drugs that I'm on and it's such a fucking shame that my life's a circle again I crossed all those lines now my heart just breaks, all the damn time this feeling of dread just can't be shed the drugs feed the flames, the fire is in my head SO LET IT BURN let it burn, let it burn midnight toil takes to sunrise without toil blood on the rise, raised beyond a boil I'm ablaze! I'm ablaze! the fire without it's cage, sanity as it's razed destroy the joy like emotions were unwanted toys think myself a clever boy when I hide it; so coy! I can't help but feel like I'm slipping away can't contain the rage but the drugs tell me it's okay lost a house, a home, a love, my own maybe someday I'll grow up and reap what I've sown and maybe someday we'll all get what we're owed but until that day, maybe I'll just keep at my blow and it's not a fucking shame that I chose to end up this way I crossed all those lines I'm at fault for my vices, every single time this feeling of dread is my recompense but I still keep going, disregarding better sense this high is my life you can't take what is mine
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Author"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls." - Anais Nin Archives
February 2023
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