I feel this gritting, gnashing feeling
All-consumed with violent energy Desperately searching for the remedy But every outcome ends up deathly, bloody Thought it was you and me; us You were the one to whom I looked up Searching in this desolate world for a leader Thought I found one; me like the son Undefined and unrefined, Searching through some shredded sense of direction The chaos wanting to be contained The young boy longing for his lost father What caused you to spurn someone you could’ve loved? You could’ve just said it. You could’ve just fucking said it. Instead you dragged this out Left me lost without a sound With my demons abound They’ve taken over now And they feel this gritting, gnashing feeling Awash with resentful, fiery energy Twitching awfully to control their tendency Trying to hold it in before they destroy everything But the chaos is enraged You thought I’d be so easily displaced? Searching in this desolate world for nothing but peace Thought I found some; me like the sun Floating high above, brightening the lives of all I touch You decided my time was over before it was done Billions of eons now erased, so many lives truncated It’s because of you that the supernova’s been unleashed With it I’ll take the galaxy Everything that’s surrounding This is what you fucking get for spurning me The best part is: Just wait for the best part… It’s that I’m going to drag this out I’m going to go out and go out loud With my demons awfully abound They’re running rampant now And they’re not hiding this gritting, gnashing feeling They’re embracing it with fervent, invigorated energy Shaking violently while I give in to their primitivity Let go of my senses so they obliterate everything And then I obliterate everything And it only causes more pain The gritting, gnashing feeling abates It takes with it the rage Then comes quiet unto this place Then only the scared, confused face Of the lost child remains The heart of the child as he yearns For the father who left him to the world What more does he have left to earn? What more must he do to feel deserved? What caused you to spurn someone you could’ve loved?
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Author"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls." - Anais Nin Archives
February 2023
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