Torrent (2016)

It's the crippling shame of inadequacy
That's where it all begins, these thoughts
Bottles go down, then they all come out
Sobriety is breached and the dam of sanity shatters
There's about to be a flood
Look out below, run from your homes
The torrent is going to take us all

Selfish, Arrogant, Spiteful, Stubborn, Hateful
All this... All this and more

Sleep serves to patch the mind, for a time
But I'm always waking up in drowned towns
"What was I thinking? What have I done?"
Another night of hurting those I love
​"What were you thinking? Look what you've done."
I poured out a broken heart and all it's pain
The hopeless constriction now inflicted upon them all 
Tried to keep it all inside but it still overtook

Angry, Conceited, Hypocritical, Resentful, Unforgiving
All this... All this and more

It's that same crippling shame of inadequacy
The very same feeling that destroys
How does one escape it all? How do I escape all this? 
Run out of options save the bottles I'm lost in
Tried to wash away the pain but instead I'm just drowning
Eyes open under the waters above
And they're all here 
Every last person I love, all of them
And they're all drowning too
Gasping and kicking for non-existent air
Letting out their last exasperated breaths before the end
Clawing outward for a savior, but I can't save them
I can do nothing
They're all drowning because of me
I couldn't control my pain and it overtook us all 

Boastful, Edgy, Prideful, Disrespectful, Judgmental
All this... All this and more

I am all this and more
The weakness, the irresponsibility towards others
Every failure sits as a scar, a gruesome reminder
Every drowned face soaked into memory
A saturated mind of misgivings and missed opportunities 
How does one escape it all? How do I escape all this? 

Eyes open above the water this time 
Bottles on the ground create familiar sounds
"What was I thinking? What have I done?"
But I don't wake to a town underwater
There is a vibrant sun burning overhead
Everyone I love is still alive and well
The air fills their lungs as it does mine
Maybe it's not too late

I'm not enough yet, but I will become more
I won't watch those around me suffer on my account
I can contain the flood
I can fight the rapids
I can control the ebb and flow of my emotions

I won't let the torrent overtake us all