It's the crippling shame of inadequacy
That's where it all begins, these thoughts Bottles go down, then they all come out Sobriety is breached and the dam of sanity shatters There's about to be a flood Look out below, run from your homes The torrent is going to take us all Selfish, Arrogant, Spiteful, Stubborn, Hateful All this... All this and more Sleep serves to patch the mind, for a time But I'm always waking up in drowned towns "What was I thinking? What have I done?" Another night of hurting those I love "What were you thinking? Look what you've done." I poured out a broken heart and all it's pain The hopeless constriction now inflicted upon them all Tried to keep it all inside but it still overtook Angry, Conceited, Hypocritical, Resentful, Unforgiving All this... All this and more It's that same crippling shame of inadequacy The very same feeling that destroys How does one escape it all? How do I escape all this? Run out of options save the bottles I'm lost in Tried to wash away the pain but instead I'm just drowning Eyes open under the waters above And they're all here Every last person I love, all of them And they're all drowning too Gasping and kicking for non-existent air Letting out their last exasperated breaths before the end Clawing outward for a savior, but I can't save them I can do nothing They're all drowning because of me I couldn't control my pain and it overtook us all Boastful, Edgy, Prideful, Disrespectful, Judgmental All this... All this and more I am all this and more The weakness, the irresponsibility towards others Every failure sits as a scar, a gruesome reminder Every drowned face soaked into memory A saturated mind of misgivings and missed opportunities How does one escape it all? How do I escape all this? Eyes open above the water this time Bottles on the ground create familiar sounds "What was I thinking? What have I done?" But I don't wake to a town underwater There is a vibrant sun burning overhead Everyone I love is still alive and well The air fills their lungs as it does mine Maybe it's not too late I'm not enough yet, but I will become more I won't watch those around me suffer on my account I can contain the flood I can fight the rapids I can control the ebb and flow of my emotions I won't let the torrent overtake us all
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Author"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls." - Anais Nin Archives
February 2023
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